Okay, it’s story time.
As long as I can remember, I’ve been a “skinny-minnie”. That is, I’ve been underweight by BMI standards since at least 5th grade. When I started getting migraines, which came with intense nausea, I lost a lot of weight in a short span of time. It was weight I didn’t have to lose and by fighting the nausea and eating more, I gained most of it back over two years.
That was the first indicator that I don’t gain weight easily. I probably started eating twice as much as before and it still took two years.
Around the beginning of high school – when I was nearly back at my pre-migraine weight – in nearly perfect coincidence with a medication change to help my increasing neck pain, my weight started to decline again. It was slow, but concerning enough that we kept an eye on it. We stopped “playing” with my meds (I say this lightly, but it was all doctor-supervised), but my weight didn’t stop dropping. I was losing a pound or more a week, eating as much as ever, and scared. Once again, it was weight I really didn’t have to lose.
But here’s the thing: nothing helped. I kept eating. My parents were instructed to (secretly) go through my computer, bedroom, and bathroom for signs of secretive, destructive behavior. I saw several therapists and dietitians. They said I was a pretty typical, happy (if type-A) teenage girl. I was cleared of all medical professionals’ charges of having an eating disorder. My weight stabilized, sure, but it stabilized too low.
I was encouraged to keep working out and keep eating. I did. And I have ever since. In that time, I’ve lost weight and I’ve gained weight. I think now I sit maybe 4 pounds above my low-but-stable weight from five years ago. I move a lot, but I eat a lot more. And I don’t really gain weight. It’s scary and probably a problem, but I’m working on it.
{This is pretty recent}
Anyway, the (somewhat rushed) story was necessary to reach the lessons I’ve learned being extra-underweight. Because those are important and they apply to everyone, not just the super-skinny.
Lesson #1
People like to make assumptions.
Have you ever noticed that? People like to think they know everything. They also like to tell you everything they think they know. I’ve had everyone from family members to completely random strangers come up to me and tell me to “make sure” I eat and eat a sandwich. Well, I have a body that tells me I’m hungry just about all the time, so that first one is no problem. And I really like sandwiches, whether they have eggs, peanut butter and bacon, or shredded pork and chicken.
Or ham, mozzarella, Dijon mustard, spinach, raspberry preserves, and sliced onions. Don’t knock it till you try it. #strangebutgood
Basically, I really like sandwiches (and almost all food), so we covered that second one, too. Bystanders have called me anorexic. I might look it, but anorexia is about a lot more than weight.
Takeaway: Your assumptions are often inaccurate. It’s okay to be wrong. It’s much less okay to insist you’re right when you aren’t.
Lesson #2
Your body’s appearance is not directly correlated with your body image.
Every day, I am underweight. That is, every day, I am “skinny”. Many days, I feel way too skinny. Many of my very-small pairs of pants still leave an empty circle my hips should fill. I have a lot of visible bones. My small-ish muscles aren’t padded by much fat. (When it isn’t reacting badly to food) my stomach is flat. All that said, on some days when I’m tired or stressed or just in a really bad mood, I feel bloat-y or fluffy rather than ridiculously skinny.
And in between those days when I don’t feel good about my body, sometimes I really do. I know all the too-little things are still true on those days, but it sounds seriously exhausting to walk around hating your body every day. So, I don’t.
Takeaway: You are entitled to feel any way about your body on any given day, no matter what it looks like. Hopefully, those feelings are more often positive than negative. But sometimes they aren’t and that is okay.
Lesson #3
You don’t really want to be this small.
First, see Lesson #1. People judge you pretty regularly. Second, I’m somewhere between kids’ and women’s sizes, but I’m definitely women’s height. This means that the vast majority of my clothes don’t actually fit the way they’re supposed to. Third, you can’t complain about your size because everyone just says, “Shut up – I wish I were you,” and then proceeds to complain about how fat they are – when they’re perfectly healthy.
Takeaway: Your healthy size is different than mine – and everyone else’s. Embrace it.
Lesson #4
It is really fun to eat a lot and impress the heck out of people.
This is self-explanatory, right? People love to see how much I can eat.
On the flip side, it would be nice if that resulted in a few extra pounds.
Takeaway: Please enjoy food. It’s seriously one of my favorite parts of life.
{Source}
Summing it all up…
Everyone else is going through something that you probably can’t see, even if you think you can. The best way to handle that is to offer them your help and support and withhold your judgment. And the best way to handle whatever you are going through? Well, it’s not easy either, but meet yourself where you are and work on accepting and loving that.
No questions, but I 100% welcome any thoughts you have or experiences you want to share!
I can relate (somewhat) to this and skinny-shaming is NOT cool. Also, just because our bodies look a certain way doesn’t mean we can’t be self-conscious or have “off” days. I was pretty tiny in early high school and would hate the judgements and assumptions. But then I would shut people up by the amount I’d eat for dinner ha.
Exactly! Sorry you’ve had to deal with it, too. Everyone can be self-conscious – it’s totally part of being human! Haha it’s definitely satisfying enjoying more delicious food than people expect of such a tiny person 🙂
It is very interesting to hear the perspective of someone who has always been very thin without necessarily suffering from an ED. Most people assume that skinny people are incredibly happy with their size and therefore must feel superior to others. But that is so not the case- in fact so many skinny girls wish they could change their bodies and gain weight too. It is truly hard to find people who love their bodies. While I do have to say that being able to eat a lot without having to worry about it negatively affecting your size is probably a plus, I understand that your really do want to gain weight and don’t necessarily see this as the best thing in the world. I hope that your pain subsides and that you feel fantastic <3.
I do generally feel lucky to not “have” to worry about what I eat 🙂 But yeah… I feel that everyone has insecurities that maybe others can’t see, and if we recognize that, we’ll respect and understand everyone a lot more. Thanks so much, Niki. I hope you feel amazing as well <3
I’m of the belief that ANY comment that is even semi-related to a body is unwarranted and should not be utter. I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this Ellen. I’ve gone through the process of losing/gaining weight myself (albeit I truly did have an eating disorder, so it’s a different story), but I want you to know how much I respect you for speaking out about this.
You’re an incredible girl. <3
100% agree. Compliments & criticisms of your body are a.) unimportant and b.) can be taken SO many ways. Thanks, Julia – I have so much respect for you and how far you’ve come! <3
Wonderfully described, Ellen. You are a wise young lady. Love you!
Thanks, Grandma. Love you!
Firstly, I LOVE your summing up. Like, every single sentence…it was so poignantly perfect, I want to put it in my Quote Journal.
I am so sorry for your struggle and I wish there was something I could do that would help you get better! While I have never struggled with being under-weight (my genes are inclined more the opposite), I have had some difficulties surrounding being the thinnest in my family. There are misunderstandings (which I am sure I’m blowing out of proportion, and it’s nothing compared to what you experience from others), even sometimes among my family members, close as we are…some people assume that, because I am thinner, I don’t have trouble with periodically putting on unhealthy weight. And if I am going through a harder time being satisfied with my body, I can’t really talk about it without being worried that I’m going to hurt someone’s feelings or that they will filter what I’m saying + how *they* see me and think therefore, “That must make me *super*-fat!!”
It always shocks me how (hopefully unintentionally) insensitive people can be. I know girls who struggle with being too thin, as you do…your posts, though, have made me more aware of how, even knowing girls like that, there are still times when I make assumptions about people based on how they *look*, which can be both wrong and hurtful. It’s such a good reminder to remember that it could be their genes, ill health or a work-in-progress…or we don’t even know, and it’s none of my business! Everyone is on a different road, and their journey won’t look like ours, or even our neighbor’s or friend’s. The big thing is to accept people where they are *right now*, listen to their struggles and be a good friend. Thank you for helping us to remember what’s important in life, for being willing to share what you’re going through and so keeping our eyes open to possible blind spots in our views of others! <3
Aw, thank you so much. I’m glad my words made an impact.
“And if I am going through a harder time being satisfied with my body, I can’t really talk about it without being worried that I’m going to hurt someone’s feelings or that they will filter what I’m saying + how *they* see me and think therefore, “That must make me *super*-fat!!”” <- THIS. I absolutely relate. You don't feel like you're "allowed" to have a bad day because if you're judging yourself, you *must* be judging others. The thing is, we're way harder on ourselves than on anyone else. Yes. Thank YOU, as always, for reading and responding <3
Yes! You nailed it! It’s so annoying that people forget “skinny comments” hurt just as much as any other body-centered comment. You don’t know anything about someone by the amount of physical space they take up.
Exactly. Size/appearance is about the least important aspect of me (or you or anyone) as a person.
I found your post via Fitting It All In…so glad she shared (and that you wrote!) because I definitely relate.
I’ve never been technically underweight (maybe for MY body but not per BMI) but I’ve always been thin and petite. I’m grateful that I don’t have to watch what I eat, but it’s also a struggle to be 31 years old and not be able to find women’s pants/shorts that fit. I truly believe ANY comment relating to one’s body is potentially harmful. My husband is also very thin…as is my 9 month old baby! He’s so healthy, active, and full of life, but have you ever seen a “skinny” baby? I think he’s the just beautiful person ever, but I also desperately want him to have rolls! I feel like outsiders judge me and think I’m starving him. He’ll probably always be thin and I just HATE the idea that he will hear similar comments and possibly struggle with body image.
Ugh. Sorry for the rambly comment; it’s just something I constantly think about and sympathies with you. Keep your head high and keep enjoying food!
Not finding clothes is so frustrating. I like clothes! I just want them to fit right! And I’m with you on body-related comments. They’re so unnecessary and there is ALWAYS more to a person’s health than you can see.
Haha you’re right – you don’t often see a “skinny” baby – but yours is beautiful. It’s no fun to think that he might struggle with those sort of thoughts and comments, but he’ll have his health and your support, and that’s what matters. Thanks for reading, Catherine! <3
LOVE THIS! Thank you for sharing it. It helps us to all understand the way God made everybody and really appreciate it even more.
Thanks so much for reading, Emily! ?