I’ve had every intention of posting this for almost two weeks. However, chores and sleep and letting C nap on me have seemed more important than polishing this. So, while she’s napping in her crib – exhausted after falling asleep late and getting up early – let’s see if I can finish this.
I had no freaking idea what recovering after birth was gonna be like. I’ve read birth stories galore, but I’ve never really read anything explaining, “here’s what happened after.” And the after lasts way longer than the labor, so I wanted to document that a little, too.
Resting
Oh, my gosh. I hated this part more than I can describe. In the few days after C was born, yes, all I felt able to do was rest. I showered and did my hair the morning after we brought her home, and it took over an hour and made me feel as if I had just worked out.
But after 2 or 3 days, I was tired of sitting on the couch. I wanted to help with chores. I wanted to move. If it had been nice outside, I would have gone for some slow walks. But after a warm December, January was absolutely freezing and snowy/icy, so I mostly stayed inside. Instead of walking, I set the goal of doing 1 or 2 small chores a day: maybe doing a load of laundry and cleaning a bathroom, or cleaning up the kitchen after a meal.
We had family and friends stop by over the course of a couple hours a week after we brought C home, and several people commented that they were surprised I was up and about and wearing jeans.
Honestly, I felt good. Tired, sure, but good. Then, about a week and a half after C was born, a nurse from the hospital came by for a wellness check of both me and C. She concluded that I was probably trying to do too much and needed more rest.
I have to think I rested plenty with the amount of sitting on the couch required to nurse and play with C.
But Jack was there for that conversation and subsequently insisted I rest a lot more. After a little less than a week of taking rest more seriously, I started recovering a lot faster. From there, I slowly built my activity back up. By the time C was 2.5 weeks old, I started walking 20-40 minutes almost daily and loosely following the Expecting & Empowered Postpartum Guide.
Breastfeeding
C latched quickly and, according to our doula, perfectly. She had a hard time eating later that first night, though. The nurse helped determine that this was due to her having a stomach full of amniotic fluid. After that was pumped out, she fed like a champ. I was so grateful to have breastfeeding be so easy! I’d heard horror stories. But then…
The first week
C was born on Friday. On Sunday morning I woke up and thought I might be fighting an illness because the lymph nodes under my arms were swollen. A little research told me that these were actually probably clogged milk ducts.
By the time I showered later that morning, I could barely lift my arms over my head because my underarms were swollen, lumpy, and super painful. After my shower, I realized that I’d also grown about 4 cup sizes since the day before. I measured.
I immediately went downstairs to feed C and ask Jack if he’d figure out how to set up my pump. While I planned to pump eventually so other people could feed C, I didn’t plan on pumping 2 days postpartum.
I filled all 6 bottles we had with milk over the course of the next 24 hours and fed C and was still in pain.
First thing on Monday, I called my doctor. She asked to see me later that day, just to make sure there was no infection. Nope, just clogs and generic engorgement. She advised me to come back if I developed a fever or redness around the clogs, take lecithin to thin out my milk, and use heat and massage to dislodge the clumps. She also told me to go ahead and pump until I was empty.
I have always heard that breastfeeding is a supply and demand relationship, so I was terrified to create extra supply, but pumping all that milk out felt really good. I did that for another day and a half. From Sunday to Wednesday morning that first week, I filled 2 big mason jars and a lot of bottles with breastmilk, and ordered milk storage bags so we could start a freezer stash.
And then we saw C’s pediatrician and I explained the situation to her. She validated my fears about creating too much supply and said I should only pump for a couple minutes to relieve any pain and make it easier for C to latch, and then feed C immediately after. She also said that I should schedule time with the practice’s lactation consultant to coincide with C’s 2-week weight check. I’d been planning to make an appointment with a lactation consultant who would do a home visit anyway, but opted to use the pediatrician’s instead.
Normalizing things
The next week kiiiind of sucked. Not overall, but from a breastfeeding perspective. I was constantly worried C wasn’t getting enough milk because her feeding sessions were pretty short. She latched well after I pumped, but seemed to get bored or sleepy really quickly.
I pumped both sides for just a few minutes before feeding her and pretty much only ever fed her on her favorite side in an attempt to chill out my supply. I napped on the couch for a bit before midnight, but didn’t go to bed until 1-2am. That allowed me to pump and feed her briefly around that time, and then hopefully feed her one other time in the middle of the night without getting up to pump. I’d be a little uncomfortable after, but still go back to sleep for a bit. Then, when I got up to feed the dogs in the morning, I was usually in quite a bit of discomfort. But I could get C up with me, entertain her while I pumped for a couple minutes, and then feed again.
And repeat, every 3 (or 4, if I could tolerate the discomfort) hours all day.
Where we are now
This finally started to calm down after that second week. People kept telling me it could take 4-6 weeks, and that sounded absolutely miserable. But it didn’t, thank goodness. And now, at 8ish weeks, I feel like I mostly have the right amount of milk for my kiddo. My letdown is still pretty fast; I usually spray her in the face with milk at the beginning of our feedings, but she’s a good sport about it. She strongly prefers nursing on one side, so I’m trying to balance that out for vanity reasons. But feeding her is mostly easy and she’s gained weight well, and I’m grateful for that.
Appearance and Weight
When we checked into the hospital on the day C was born, I was about 28 pounds above my “normal” weight. Immediately after birth, when the nurses started fundal massage, they commented that my belly was already flat and had no stretch marks.
I have no clue how I avoided stretch marks because I am extremely predisposed to them, but I did use this belly oil and belly butter combo as soon as I started to show around 19 weeks. It would surprise me if this did little outside of hydrating my skin. I didn’t use them religiously morning and night, just quickly after I showered. (They’re a little pricy for “I’m not sure if these work,” but they lasted over 6 months. I just finished both bottles in the last week.)
Anyway, when I was laying down, the nurses weren’t wrong, but I definitely had a little baby pouch when I wasn’t horizontal.
By the time I went to the doctor for the engorgement issue on Monday, I had dropped 12 pounds. On Wednesday, I noticed my stomach was much flatter and checked my weight again. I’d lost another 8 pounds. And by Friday, when C was a week old, I was 4 pounds above my “normal” weight and wore a pair of my pre-pregnancy jeans to dinner with Jack.
At 8 weeks out, I’m my normal weight, and I have been for a while. My boobs are way bigger than normal, my abs are certainly not as tight as before, and I’ve probably lost some muscle elsewhere, but I can wear my pre-pregnancy clothes as long as they aren’t too tight across my chest.
I expected to carry an additional 5-15 pounds for a while after birth because that’s the only experience I’ve heard much about. I hear new moms say all the time that they don’t care about the extra weight they carry postpartum, though, because they’re just trying to get through the newborn stage and take care of their baby. This sounds like the right thing to say, but I was pretty sure I’d want to start getting back into shape as soon as I was healed up.
Having gotten back to my pre-baby weight so quickly, and being absolutely crazy about my baby and my role as a mom, I still kind of feel that way. But now I realize it’s more about feeling strong and like my body is at least a little bit mine (hi, breastfeeding on demand) than about the actual weight.
Fitness
Oh, wow, did I move slowly for a solid week after giving birth. Everything ached a little and I just felt awkward.
And then about 4 days postpartum, I started having a pain a few inches up and to the right side of my belly button, which initially freaked me out because the hospital tells you upon discharge to be concerned about “right upper quadrant pain.” Upon examination, I realized that it was probably my ab muscles starting to work again. It continued and spread throughout the rest of my ab muscles for another week. Sometimes C will knee me in the stomach while she’s nursing, and I still feel a little tenderness.
But I’ve made an effort to walk for 20-40 minutes several days a week, and just got back to strength training in the last 2 weeks.
Squats with just a 20-lb kettlebell humbled me a lot the first time I worked out. It had been 7 weeks since I’d lifted much of anything, so I guess it makes sense – and I’m really glad I didn’t try to squat with our barbell, which I considered doing. I’m not sure I could have walked the next day if I had.
The other day, Jack asked me to help move the workbench he just built. He knows how strong I usually am and assured me I’d be able to lift it. I barely could, and I nearly cried because I felt so weak. We took several breaks and I was breathing heavily by the time we were done. I’m super excited to get stronger again.
Mental Health
I am tireder and busier and happier than ever. I’ve heard the audio of this Jordan Peterson clip on Instagram a few times the last couple days and I cry every time. And I cry randomly at other stuff, too.
Most days, I feel on top of the world for a good chunk of the day and completely clueless at some point later. But C is the best and being a mom is the best. I could gush forever.
Getting out of the house pretty much daily helped me feel a little more normal. But I also had a baby in January. We got a bunch of snow and ice a few weeks after she was born, so sometimes I stayed home. That made me pretty crabby. Whenever future babies decide to come, I’ll take them. But it’d be cool if they wanted to come when the weather is a little bit nicer.
Summing up
Holy crap, I wish I’d known more about what on Earth postpartum recovery would be like. I had no clue my milk could come in so aggressively, didn’t really think I’d be an emotional mess, and didn’t realize I could lose so much strength in under two months of not working out. In the next couple weeks, I’m hoping to finish part 2 of this post. That will be more of a “here’s what helped me in the first couple months after my baby was born” post. I had a hard time finding something like that, and I feel strongly about how much I like a lot of the stuff I ended up using.
And I’m hoping to have more of a “here’s what life looks like 2 months into having a baby” post next week. Because I almost have a 2-month old. That’s crazy. And so, so cool.
Your turn:
Did you feel prepared for postpartum recovery/life? What do you wish you’d known?
