Sometimes the World Is Terrifying

“Active shooter on OSU campus” was the text I received from my mom yesterday morning shortly before I left for class.

Prayers out to the victims, families, and the entire OSU community. #BuckeyeStrong pic.twitter.com/FiWNSKny0a

— Branden Bowen (@BrandenBowen) November 28, 2016

The Morning

Now, that’s pretty frightening, no matter where it’s happening. But then my eyes got wide. I know people at Ohio State. I love people there – and a lot of them. I gathered up my stuff for class and sent texts to a handful of friends, checking their status and telling them I love them. Everyone seemed to be okay, if scared. I scrolled through Facebook for updates and repeatedly refreshed Twitter for news, almost running into way too many people on my way to class.

I got to my class just as my professor did. I automatically asked about her Thanksgiving and responded appropriately (I think), but then I sat down and refreshed everything on my phone once again. Just before class started, my mom’s school, which is very close to OSU’s main campus, went on lockdown.

I zoned in and out of class, mentally creating a list of everyone I know at Ohio State, glancing down to see what updates people were providing, and generally panicking, while also taking occasional notes about land reform in Latin America. Social conflict theory is not worth crying over, but I was near tears.

By the time I got back to the dorm, I had caught up to a friend from Intro to Comparative Politics, who made a slightly sarcastic comment about how it’s a shame the class is almost over, and I’m 100% sure I replied unintelligibly. Other things were on my mind. I had pulled up the live stream of news coverage on my phone and was watching as I walked.

See, at the time, there were reports of two shooters, one of whom had been killed. I had friends describing how they heard gunshots and screams, so they ran. That’s too close for comfort.

The Real Story

There was no active shooter, though that is what the university’s alert system claimed. Rather, a student hit people with his car and then began slashing them with a knife. A police officer fatally shot him. The shots that were reported were fired by the officer.

The Rest of the World

Any time there’s a giant, publicized act of violence, my heart aches. I value being informed, but I generally avoid watching the news. Why? I will fixate on the event being broadcast, and then I’ll think about all the other terrifying things happening in the world. Ultimately, it will paralyze me. Case in point: I accomplished very little yesterday.

If I think too hard about what happened yesterday, I don’t really want to go outside. Horrifying things like that can happen anywhere – and they are pretty much always unexpected. That’s what they say so painfully obviously on the news: “No one expected this.” 

Crime rates are up, especially on college campuses; I see that on my own. It is disturbing. And I hope we never expect violent attacks on civilians.

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Yesterday was hard, and today and tomorrow will be their own kinds of hard. But the world keeps turning and you move on. You give yourself a day or so to process and cry and hurt, and then you push forward with as much love and hope as you can muster.

So, yesterday I hurt and I worried. Today, I’ll be present and hopeful. Sometimes, the world is terrifying. And sometimes, you have to go out into the world bravely pretend it’s not. 

When the world terrifies you, fill it with hope and love. #BuckeyeStrong #SweatPink Share on X

Your turn:

Do you watch the news?

How do you face hard days?