If I told you I would pay you to pick up the phone and call someone who used to know you really well, but whom you have not spoken to in at least two years, would you do it? Who would you choose?
I’m not a huge fan of talking on the phone, but I can think of a few middle and high school friends I would be interested in catching up with. Honestly, though, it would still be a little awkward and I’d rather not. But if I were getting paid, sure.
The one type of person I probably wouldn’t call is an ex-boyfriend.
While I would like to think that I’m a mature adult who could easily stay good friends with ex-boyfriends, that hasn’t been my experience. Both of the relationships I’ve been in have been with guys who were really good friends, and those friendships were casualties of our break-ups. Does it kind of suck? Absolutely. But it happens.
Well, on Saturday afternoon, I got a text from my first boyfriend asking me if he could call. He was doing a survey that required you to reconnect with someone from your past and he thought of me, so he needed to call or email me to reconnect.
Um.
Okay. This will be fine. Let’s do this.
And so I spent a half an hour partaking in small talk with him. Was it bad? No, not at all. Was it odd? Yeah, of course.
I mean, imagine talking to someone who you did used to know really well as if they are that relative you see once a year who sometimes confuses you with your cousin. We talked about our majors and our classes (we’re a year apart and we ended up at the same school). We touched on summer plans and career plans and dating and the weather. I asked about his brother. He asked if I was still in touch with people from high school.
We talked about our break-up and the sudden, sustained lack of contact.
And when we exhausted all the topics we could think of, we said goodbye. Again, I guess.
The whole conversation was a sort of surreal experience. I scribbled on a Post-It to my roommate while we were talking just to express disbelief at how movie-like and bizarre the whole thing was. She and I agreed that you’d have to pay us at least $50 to call someone from the past, and probably more for an ex-boyfriend.
I highly doubt the school that runs the survey was paying that much, and I know enough about my ex to know that it wasn’t an easy call to make anyway.
So while there is a very, very good chance we won’t stay in touch, I’m glad that conversation happened. It was a unique experience, I got to catch up with an old friend, and it’s a pretty good story to tell.
Who would you call?
Do you stay in touch with your exes? How? Tell me your secrets!
I would probably call the girl who I swore would be my best friend forever in high school, but now we don’t talk at all. When we went to college our interests really diverged and we just didn’t have anything in common anymore. We had great times in high school and I’m thankful for that, but I think it’s ok we’re not really friends anymore. I can’t honestly say I’m distraught over it or ever find myself missing her. I hope she’s well and happy. That’s about all I can say about it.
My ex still contacts me once in a while but it’s usually about something funny. I don’t mind, were still friends and that all I ever want anyway.
I’d say it’s definitely okay to fall out of touch with people who just aren’t “meant” to be in your life anymore, even if you don’t have real negative feelings toward them. I’ve even written a post about that 😉
And I think it’s nice you and your ex are still in friendly contact!
I used to talk until like 2am on the phone with my friends and “boyfriends” when I was in middle school (haha!), I loved it! But now…no. I hate talking on the phone, but I hate texting more. I feel bad, but my family knows by now to only text emergencies, otherwise I won’t respond. I just can’t! It’s so difficult and annoying!!! I only like to talk face to face…so yes, even FB messages and emails kill me!
It’s so funny that you’re a blogger who hates other virtual communication – I totally wouldn’t expect that!
Ellen! I loved this post. Posts that make you think really are the best in my opinion, especially when it’s easy to get lost in all the food blogs I usually read.
I think that is such a bizarre experience, but kind of an interesting “life” thing if that makes sense. Something you wouldn’t really want to do again, but are sorta glad you did? I don’t know haha!
I guess I would talk to my first ex boyfriend as well! But I mean… SO AWKWARD. I don’t even know wha we would talk about.
Thanks, Christine! I know I love reading posts that are a little deeper, too, and it’s always fun when something inspires you to write one!
I think you described it perfectly. I never would’ve expected for that conversation to happen, or really wanted it to, but I’m glad it did. 🙂 And “so awkward” pretty much sums it up: “So… how’ve you been since we broke up?” ?
Wow, it is really strange situation. I think I would need a lot of money for making call like this 😀
SAME. ?
It is an odd scenario but good on you for agreeing to take part as I’m sure it was a pretty daunting experience for both of you.
I would probably phone the guy I ‘almost but not quite’ got together with in high school. We went our separate ways after leaving and I haven’t spoken to him since other than the generic facebook “happy birthdays”. I think it would be valuable for us to amicably catch up though, just to remove the slight awkwardness that still lingers…
xx
I totally get what you’re saying about removing the awkwardness. I think putting ourselves in a pretty awkward situation by catching up probably did eliminate some of the potential awkwardness there would be if we ran into each other or something.
I think, in a lot of ways, it helps heal any wounds of the past. God has used some conversations after the fact of having potential relationships that have really just closed the door in a more final way. <3 It does remove that awkwardness you're talking about!
And I’m all for removing any extra awkwardness 🙂
I do stay in touch with a few of my exes. Most of my relationships ended very pleasantly and amicably. We just realized we were better off as friends 🙂 I hope one day you can have the same relationship with them!
That’s really cool, Gretchen. And I hope so, too 🙂
This is so interesting to me. I don’t know if I could do it! I hate talking on the phone for one, so that doesn’t help, but talking to someone who you’d more or less written off is even worse.
Yeah, it was kind of like, “Oh, I never expected to talk to you again… and now you want to call and catch up?” It was certainly interesting.