Happy Thinking Out Loud Thursday! My last final is this morning, and I’m heading home shortly afterward for spring break. I’m not sure there are words to express how ready I am for a little bit of a break. Despite a milder-than-average winter, it’s been a long quarter and I’m planning to use the downtime to unwind and prepare for the next 11 weeks.
Kind of like last week, this is a little bit of a different TOL post. A while ago, Emily asked for some guest posts on body image from various perspectives and I offered to do one from my point of view. She posted it a few weeks ago and I asked her if I could also share it here. Kind lady that she is, she agreed. Here is the post on her blog, and the original is also below.
On body image
I’ve never been overweight. I actually think I’ve been at least a little underweight by BMI standards (which are certainly not perfect indicators of health) my whole adolescent life. When I was little, people would refer to me as “skinny-mini”. In fourth grade, we were running in gym class and a classmate yelled at me, “Hurry up! Move those little sticks you call legs!”
I don’t remember all this bothering me much. Honestly, my body is my body and it has its fair share of issues, but it’s mine. And, aside from a little too much caffeine (Diet Coke and I are BFFs) and a little too little sleep, I take pretty decent care of it. But then, likely as a result of some of the medications I was on, I started losing weight fast right before I entered high school. No big deal, right? Get off the meds, eat some food, gain it back.
Well, it was never that simple. I can eat a lot and my weight stays steady. At the time, I was eating a lot and still dropping pounds – and some of my self-confidence was going along with it. I used to be able to shop and have fun with it. Sure, I often wore the smallest standard sizes, but clothes fit me and I generally looked pretty good, I thought. Suddenly, everything was too big and trips to the mall that I had loved taking with my mom ended in tears because I hated my bony body.
Worse were the comments. So, so many people told me to eat a burger or some ice cream (I eat plenty of both). Strangers asked if my parents fed me. Yes, of course. They asked if I had an eating disorder. Nope, I was just thin. I still am.
Since coming to college, I have added almost-daily exercise and even more food to my life, and that’s helped me put on at least a few pounds.
My arms and legs have a little more curve to them than before, so that’s a plus, but I still think just about daily that I could do with a little extra padding. Sometimes those thoughts lead me to eat to the point of discomfort; if I stuff myself, surely some of it will stick around, right?
That kind of makes me sad. As a kid, I didn’t really think that much about my body. Then, I basically saw it as, “I have one. Yay! It helps me live, so that’s pretty cool.” But now… sometimes I probably overanalyze it: “Am I too thin? Do I look like a child or am I passable adult? Will I ever gain back all the weight I lost? Am I eating the right things?” Honestly, who knows? I’m doing what feels right for me.
And what’s right for me – and I think right for everyone – is being able to find value in a you that isn’t tied to what you look like. Sure, I still want to look good. I willingly admit to possessing a certain level of vanity. But I also want to write things that people want to read, and learn things I don’t already know. I want to build relationships with interesting people and cook delicious food and find strength in yoga poses. I have a lot of goals not tied to my appearance, and those help on days when my appearance is for some reason not my favorite thing.
The Takeaway
The same way that if someone is smiling it doesn’t mean she’s had the best day ever, the fact that someone is thin doesn’t mean she has an eating disorder. External appearance is not a reliable indicator of mental health.
Also, anyone can feel badly about her body – and it is totally valid. Just because I wear a size of jeans many people think they would love to wear doesn’t mean I wake up every day and feel like a Victoria’s Secret model. Frankly, I never wake up feeling like a Victoria’s Secret model because I don’t have that level of cleavage. Some days, I wake up and feel bloated from head to toe – just like everyone else. Some days, I feel like everything I own hangs off me and looks too big. And then most days, I feel really good.
No questions, but I’d love to hear any thoughts on this or anything else that’s on your mind!
Oh, and two more things! I’m an ambassador for Fit University now, so I’ll be writing posts about once a month and sharing them here, too. Here’s the link to the first one: How Fitness Is (Literally) My Medicine. And also, check out the giveaway on last post. It runs until next Tuesday at midnight.
Have a fabulous Thursday!
People just feel like they can say anything and it just stems from their own insecurities. You are beautiful my friend, you’re healthy, and you just keep you chin up, you’re strong!
Thanks so much, Rebecca ❤️
I think God made you exactly how He wanted to, and that makes you precious. You have a soul, body, mind, and spirit, and you are made in His image. <3
Thank you for the kind words, Emily! ?
Great perspective!
Thanks, Ellie!
Ellen, you are such a beauty! I think it is crazy important to be confident and fell good in your own body. Some people just need shut up for a bit.
Aw, thank you. And yes, sometimes shutting up is a smart thing 😉
Thanks for sharing your side of the story. It’s unacceptable that just because you are skinny people think they have a right to comment on your body. I hope more people come to realize that all bodies are beautiful.
Thanks for reading, Megan!! And yes, let’s just accept people as they are 😀
I SO feel you on this, girl! I lost a heap of weight due to undiagnosed coeliac disease (my body was too busy fighting the gluten that it didn’t absorb a single thing, despite the fact doctors had me on a weight gain eating plan and I was doing everything right… it took them five years to figure out why that wasn’t working and I was finally diagnosed!) and then I struggled for a long time to put any weight back on because my body still wasn’t absorbing things properly. Today I’m still thin and weight gain is still something that just doesn’t seem to happen, despite the fact that I eat supposedly “way more” than I should.
The hardest thing is that people feel like they have the right to comment on my weight/size etc. Whilst I’d never say to someone who is overweight “wow look at the size of you!”, it’s something I get told all the time – and no one wants to hear me say I struggle to gain weight because we live in a world that’s always trying to lose it.
I even get frustrated at the “all bodies are beautiful” campaigns because it always seems to be bigger girls so I feel like I’m the odd one out/wrong for being the size I am even though I treat my body with so much respect, fuel myself so well and am the healthiest I have ever been.
It’s tough and I totally understand where you are! You’re gorgeous and all that matters is how YOU feel! <3
Ick, I’m so sorry you had to go through that. I definitely agree that the body positivity campaigns seem to leave out those of us who are a little, well, littler. I get that since that’s a somewhat “accepted” body type, it’s easy to just assume that we don’t need the extra boost, but leaving any body type out is a bit exclusive. And thank you! ❤️
This is such a great post! Ugh, it kills me when people make those “go eat a burger” type of comments because they have no clue what’s really going on with someone’s body/health and really, it’s none of their business anyway…not to mention that a snarky comment isn’t productive or helpful if someone IS dealing with an eating disorder. Stepping off my soapbox now 🙂 Thanks for sharing and I really appreciate your healthy body image perspective, Ellen!
Exactly! Commenting negatively on someone else’s body doesn’t really help anyone, ever. So we should all just stop that 🙂 Thank so much, Liv!
I’m not usually one to leave comments on the blogs that I read but I really enjoy reading your thought on issues related to body image. I am a petite person myself but I found a love for exercising last summer and have lost weight (unintentionally). I can see some muscles coming in but the weight isn’t there. A lot of the clothes hanging in my closet no longer fits me well. I used to fill out my clothes nicely but I’ve lost the little bit of curves that I had. This makes me a bit self-conscious but I’m trying to gain back some weight while still eating/exercising to make me happy.
That is unfortunate that people tell you mean or simply thoughtless comments about what you should eat because you look a certain way. I appreciate you being honest about how you feel about your body. This helps me feel less alone on the issue–I’m no longer the only “skinny” person struggling to find peace with her body.
Ugh, I know the feeling of seeing muscle come in without any fat to cover it. I feel super happy because making strength progress and seeing muscle growth is GREAT. However, it’s not the only thing I’m looking for, ya know? Anyway, I’m sorry you’re in that position, too. But know that if you’re healthy and going what makes you happy, that’s enough. Oh! And if you ever want to talk, feel free to shoot me an email!
I just want to say that your honest look into the painful power of people’s assumptions against you made me take a hard look in the mirror. I consider myself a body positive warrior and a feminist, heck I BLOG about it almost every day, and yet I’ve definitely caught myself thinking ill of very thin women such as yourself. Maybe from jealousy due to my former ED and maybe just from a place of misunderstanding. You’ve changed my perspective and I’m so grateful <3
Cayanne, this is too kind. I adore your body-positive message and think you’re completely fabulous. I’m so glad this showed you a new perspective! Oh, and totally unrelated, I love that you introduce yourself “like the pepper or the Porsche” ?
The power of assumptions is HUGE, more than we know. We can be jealous of a “golden girl” who seems to have it all, and never know what’s bubbling beneath the surface. I’ve been both the envier and the envied, and neither is what it seems.
So much yes. We’re all fighting our own battles under whatever facade we show. Even when we’re open with our struggles – and I try to be – I know there’s stuff that doesn’t show.